When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
