walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
