By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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