you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
