addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
