my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
