wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
