I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
