Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
