Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
