your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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