i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
