Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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