Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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