it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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