I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
