There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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