I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
