I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
