kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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