I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
