carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
