he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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