Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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