8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
