I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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