i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
