A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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