I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
