just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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