Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
