I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
