You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
