You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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