the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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