Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
