I look better un-naked...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's paint friendship bongs
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
