i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize