Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize