i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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