Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
