ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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