Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
