I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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