I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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