i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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