I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
