Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize