just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
