I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
