i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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