come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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