M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
