its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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