this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
