can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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