Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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